We love awards shows — the dazzling gowns, the heartfelt speeches, the joyous after-party pictures. But these ceremonies are confined by convention. We know every category by heart, and most of the time, we even have a pretty good idea of who's going to win each one. So, to stir up the awards season that is upon us, we've created the R29 Entertainment Awards, which honor not only the best of what Hollywood handed us this year, but also the worst. No, we don't have a red carpet or, uh, trophies of any kind, but we do have virtual backslaps that recognize all the categories that the Academy, the Hollywood Foreign Press, SAG, and all the other self-congratulatory groups just can't be bothered with. Best Hair In An Action Scene? We've got that. Most Unneccesary Revival Of Dudedom? Done.
And so, without further ado, we present our inaugural series of earnest/silly/ridiculous laurels.
Most Convincing Ad For Pursuing A Career In The CIA: Melissa McCarthy In Spy
James Bond is fine and all, but we’ve seen him drive Aston Martins, drink martinis, and seduce ridiculously named women in more than 20 movies at this point. In 2015, we were hungry for a new type of espionage movie, and we got it with Paul Feig’s Spy. In this blockbuster comedy, the CIA’s got a secret weapon, and her name is Susan Cooper (Melissa McCarthy). She’s a master of disguise. She’s amazing in the field. She can even handle the rodent infestation at CIA HQ (can the government not scrounge up some funds for an exterminator?). Time and time again, Cooper proves that the best man for the job is actually a woman. Take that, 007.
Most Unnecessary Revivals Of Dudedom: Entourage &Ted 2
You know who haven’t been celebrated enough? Men. They really just haven’t been paid their due. We haven’t had nearly enough chances to watch them in their natural habitat, palling around with their bros. In 2015, Hollywood was kind enough to give us this opportunity several times — and with regurgitated characters we’d seen before!
In June, the long-awaited (by former frat brothers and Jeremy Piven’s agent) Entourage movie came out. It was the conclusion we never needed to the story of Vincent Chase, a generically handsome guy from Queens, and his hangers-on who forever eclipsed him in charisma, tepid machismo, and hustle. If you didn’t catch the movie when it was released in June, spoiler alert: Everything worked out great for Vinny and the boys on-screen. Offscreen, things weren’t so hot. The Entourage movie was a box-office bomb. Perhaps HBO overestimated fans’ desire to see the boys back together.
Another outing that wildly overestimated fans’ appetite for more? Ted 2. The original buddy comedy about a man and his scatalogical stuffed bear was a surprise smash in 2012. When Ted 2 arrived in theaters this June, audiences weren’t buying the schtick a second time around.
Sorry, bro comedies. Guess it just wasn’t your year at the box office, after all. You’ll just have to cry into the arms of Avengers: Age of Ultron, Furious 7, Straight Outta Compton...nah, you guys will be just fine.
Film Most Deserving Of Its Title: Dope
Putting a superlative in the title of a movie can be a risk, but Dope more than lives up to its name and hype. Malcolm (Shameik Moore) and his two best friends (Kiersey Clemons and Tony Revolori) are geeks just trying to play in their band and get through high school in the Bottoms of Inglewood, CA. Flying under the radar proves impossible, though, when Malcolm finds himself in possession of a large amount of drugs and needs to get creative about ridding himself of them.
Film Least Deserving Of Its Title: : Fantastic Four
Nothing remotely fantastic about this foursome.
Best Use of Airtime To Shut Down Inanity: Cara Delevingne
The anchors at Good Day Sacramento called Cara Delevingne irritated and low-energy to her face during an awkward interview about her role in Paper Towns. (The sit-down got off to a terrible start when they referred to her as “Carla.”) Delevingne wasn’t taking it for a second. “Maybe it’s just you,” she fired back, before having someone cut the feed. The anchors continued to insult the actress after the interview had finished, making them look petty and childish, while Cara fired off a single tweet that helped her secure the upper hand in the entire exchange.
Best Achievement of Zen: Don Draper
In the Mad Men pilot, Don Draper says, “You're born alone and you die alone, and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one.” By the time the credits roll on the Mad Men finale, however, it seems like he’s changed his life philosophy a bit. In fact, it appears that Don Draper (né Dick Whitman) is ready to spend some time with other people. Perhaps he doesn’t feel so alone anymore. As he sits atop that cliff in California with his legs crossed, he realizes that for him, zen means buying the world a Coke.
Best Final Moment of Zen: Jon Stewart's Sign-off
Jon Stewart said goodbye to The Daily Show after 16 years behind the desk, and we still miss seeing him Monday through Thursdays at 11 p.m. on Comedy Central.
Best (Mostly?) Dead: Jon Snow (Game Of Thrones), Glenn (The Walking Dead)
Okay, okay, so we know that Glenn is actually totally alive. But AMC dragged out the is-he-or-isn't-he-a-gonner torture over four long episodes. As for Jon Snow, we, much like the man himself, know nothing.
Best Surreally Real Take On Reality TV: UnREAL
This summer, Lifetime aired a deliciously subversive antidote to the saccharine journeys that reality show contestants searching for true love embark on, season after season, on shows like The Bachelorette. UnREAL provides a behind-the-scenes look at a fake reality show called Everlasting, and shit gets dark. Producers mess with contestants’ psychotropics and sleep with one another. Underhanded trickery is basically the only way to get ahead. Every illusion you might have about finding true love on television was basically shattered, and we couldn’t stop watching.
Best Squad Coven: Carrie Brownstein + Amy Poehler + Aimee Mann + Kim Gordon
With apologies to Taylor Swift and her “Bad Blood” gang, there’s really only one squad we wanted to join in 2015. Actually, it’s not even a squad. Carrie Brownstein, Kim Gordon, Amy Poehler, and Aimee Mann prefer to be called a coven. Why? “We're all over 40. Don't call us a squad. We're a fucking coven,” Brownstein wrote in the caption.
Best Take-No-Shit-From-No-One Heroines: Charlize Theron & Rebecca Ferguson
Um, did you see the baller demonstration of feminism that was Mad Max: Fury Road? Theron and her girl gang get stuff done. Tom Hardy helps, but really he just grunts a lot. Theron secured this award the moment she grabs Immortan Joe’s face and is like, “REMEMBER ME.” Damn. Ferguson gets this award, too, for being a badass goddess in Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. How many times does she save Tom Cruise’s butt in that movie? Plus, she gets honorable mention for having the best hair in an action scene.
Best Trainwreck Who's Not A Trainwreck At All: Amy Schumer
Schumer may have played a hot mess on screen, but she’s killing it in real life. She won an Emmy for Best Variety Sketch Show. She got her own HBO special. She not only formed a friendship with J Lawr, but managed to make her a creative partner on a forthcoming movie starring the two of them. Oh, and she got a $10 million book deal. Good job.
Most Relatable Athlete In A Motion Picture: LeBron James In Trainwreck
Actually, we would watch a movie that was just LeBron James and Bill Hader. In fact, give those two a sitcom. Just think of the hijinks they’d get into! Constantly in cahoots! That’d be quality television.
Best Viral Video: Mikey & Jay From Malden Find A Sea Monstah
It’s hard to say the exact moment that we fell in love with the video of two Bostonians who stumbled upon a mysterious sea creature. Was it when they thought it was a “big fuckin’ sea turtle”? Was it when they thought it was a “baby fuckin’ whale, man”? It was probably when our heroes decided they wanted to alert the aquarium before calling the Coast Guard. It’s the kind of footage that reminds us that we may sometimes “see some shit we ain’t nevah seen before.”
Best Cry: Chris Pine At The Oscars
How does a human manage to produce a single tear? How does a human manage to make that single tear cascade gracefully down his perfect cheekbones and chiseled jawline? Our crying sessions are normally the snot-on-our-shirts kind of messy sob. Whatever Pine has crafted here is the next level of human evolution.
Most Absurd Use of Footwear: Jurassic World
We just have one question: Who wears heels to run from dinosaurs?
Least Sexy Movie About Sex, Ever: Fifty Shades Of Grey
Has there existed an on-screen couple less convincing than Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan? We’re talking zero chemistry. The Fifty Shadesbear is actually a sexier time than this film.
Best Choreography: Dads Across America
This award is technically for the dancing we saw in “Hotline Bling,” but we can only assume the now-signature moves were crafted by a select group of dads. Where do you think Drake got his inspiration to flail about in a way you haven’t seen since your cousin Betsy’s wedding? That’s right. Local dads.
Best Cell-Phone Reference: "Hotline Bling"
“Hotline Bling” is about a lot of things. Actually, we have no idea what it’s about, but it certainly involves phone calls — phone calls made on cell phones. Not only does Drake drive that message home by making phone shapes with both his hands, but he also at one point pulls out two cell phones, which he puts in his back pockets without even looking. For literal and imaginative use of a cellular device, we award Drake this important accolade.
Best Feeling Of Themselves: Beyonce & Nicki Minaj, "Feeling Myself" At Tidalx1020
The video was perfect. But then there was the Tidalx1020 concert, which somehow managed to be more perfect. Bey & Nicki shut it down with a real-life depiction of what “Feelin’ Myself” is all about. We may never be the same.
Best Repurposing Of Fictional British Nobility: Lily James In Cinderella (& Downton Abbey)
You know Lily James. She’s Lady Rose MacClare, the scrappy niece on Downton Abbey. That’s why she’s so believable as Cinderella, another scrappy person with sorta noble blood.
Best Boss-Ass Bitch: Nicki Minaj (For Everything, Including Her Boldness In That NYT Interview)
Nicki Minaj’s favorite thing to do, aside from Instagramming, is reminding everyone in the world that she does not give a shit. But it’s in a different way than the zero fucks Rihanna gives. Minaj’s way is more about being a boss. It’s about taking control of her business and shutting down sexism. She sealed the deal with this New York Times interview, which she ended after the reporter asked Minaj if she enjoyed the drama between Meek Mill and Drake.
Most Splendid Expression Of Teenage Hormones: Minnie Goetz In The Diary Of A Teenage Girl
Minnie Goetz has been around since 2002, when she was introduced in Phoebe Gloeckner’s novel The Diary of a Teenage Girl, but this year, she was brought to glorious life by Bel Powley in Marielle Heller’s screen adaptation of the book. Though Minnie’s experiences may be unusual — she loses her virginity to her mother’s much older boyfriend — she’s a remarkably relatable character. Unafraid of her sexuality, she embraces her desire and takes ownership of her pleasure. That’s not to say she isn’t vulnerable, though. She is a teenager, after all.
Most Impressive Ability To Appear In Everything Without Annoying Us: Alicia Vikander
Chances are, you didn’t know who Alicia Vikander was before 2015. You may still not actually know her name, but you probably recognize her face. It’s the one that eerily gazed at you from those Ex Machina posters. Or you may have spotted it in The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Testament of Youth, Burnt, or The Danish Girl. In each, she showed off her impressive range, swinging from inscrutable android chilliness in Ex Machina to warm human frustration in The Danish Girl. This has been her year — but she could very well own future ones as well.
Most Fascinating Rise Of The Machines: Ex Machina &Humans
It was (mostly) a good year for robots. First we got Ex Machina, a menacing thriller from Alex Garland, which starred Oscar Isaac as a sexist/genius tech bro who builds uncannily human-like (and beautiful) robots like Ava (played by Alicia Vikander). Then came AMC’s Humans, a British series that played with the idea of “synths” passing for human in modern Britain. What does it mean that a “robot” can experience real emotion? These questions give us the feels.
Least Fascinating Rise Of The Machines: Terminator Genisys&Chappie
Did we really need another Terminator movie? Did we really need another Terminator movie that undoes the legacy of the excellent first two Terminator movies? Terminator Genisys is confusing, silly, and regressive. Let Skynet die already. For real this time. As for Chappie, the less said, the better.
Most Swoon-Worthy Case For Taking Up Victorian-Era Farming: Carey Mulligan & Matthias Schoenaerts In Far From The Madding Crowd
Bathsheba Everdene (Mulligan) is an independent woman who manages her own farm. Gabriel Oak is a taciturn sheep herder hired to look after her flock. Longing glances are exchanged, a marriage proposal is offered and rejected, and many gorgeous shots of the English countryside glide by before these two lovers finally admit they were made for each other. Slow, understated, and beautiful.
Most Loving Ode To A Departed Genius: Amy
Amy could have been a lurid, E! True Hollywood Story-type project that rehashed the familiar narrative of Amy Winehouse’s death. Instead, Asif Kapadia’s moving documentary celebrates the late pop star’s talent with great respect, while also offering a damning look at the enablers who contributed to her demise.
Most Beautiful Celebration Of Sadness: Inside Out
Pixar has long had a knack for making people weep. Inside Out explains why it’s important that we do so, all while making us sob even harder. The movie accomplishes a seemingly impossible feat: It tells the story of the anthropomorphized emotions inside a young girl’s head without becoming pretentious or cloying. With splendid animation and heart-wrenching storytelling, it makes the case for why sadness is as crucial to life as joy.
Best Breakout: Brie Larson
Technically, Room isn’t Brie Larson’s breakout performance. That came in 2013, when she played the damaged center of the excellent indie Short Term 12. But with Room, Larson has gone from little-known actress to front-runner in the Best Actress Oscar race. As Ma, a woman kidnapped as a teenager who gives birth to her son while in captivity, Larson conveys despair, frustration, and a fierce maternal protectiveness with breathtaking ease. Further proving her powerhouse talent, a few months before Room was released, Larson proved she is no one-trick drama queen, showing off a lighter, comedic side as Amy Schumer’s sister in Trainwreck.
Most Welcome Return: Adele
Well, “Hello,” indeed, Adele. You say you “must have called a thousand times,” but it had been far too long since we'd heard from you. Of course, we’re not mad it took you so long, since 25 is another masterpiece that was well worth the wait. Adele remains our most reliable pop star. Her new album is a triumph, showcasing her unimpeachable vocals and her uncanny ability to make our eyes well up with tears.
Also Most Welcome Return: Tracy Morgan
Tracy Morgan, who was injured in a serious car accident last year, told Matt Lauer in June: "I love comedy and I wonder how I'm gonna be funny again." Well, he was. And it was glorious. First he made a surprise appearance at the Emmys, giving a heartfelt speech that wove in some laughs. And then, in October, Refinery29 was there when he did his first stand-up since the accident. And finally, he returned to his old stomping grounds to host SNL. Glad to have you back, friend.
Best Movie About A Dying Profession: Spotlight
Those who appreciate old-school, shoe-leather newspaper reporting haven’t had much to cheer about lately. Which is part of what makes Spotlight so great. The movie charts how a team of Boston Globe journalists uncovered the Catholic Church’s cover-up of sexual abuse, through persistent and often tedious work. It’s an unglamorous movie — down to the fashion— but a thrilling one. Newspaper work is vital.
Best "Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time": Jem & The Holograms
A live-action remake of the kitschy, cult animated '80s series sure sounded like fun. But instead of capturing the bizarre retro-futuristic vibe of the cartoon, the movie is nothing but straight-up tween bubblegum nonsense that hit like a thud.
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